Gonna Fly Now?

One of the enduring memories I carry from my childhood is my obsession with the Rocky films. That's how I can count to five in Roman numerals, and I thought I was about to learn what six looked like, but alas not because when Rocky 6 comes to a theatre near you it'll be called Rocky Balboa. Nonetheless, my cynical chums, I'm excited about it, to say the least.

One sunny day in 1990 I recall stumbling upon a shop that sold videos while being dragged through the Gateshead Garden Festival by my parents. And there, in the corner among Little Shop Of Horrors and Gremlins, was a title I'd been longing to own for years ; Rocky IV, in all its slightly fuzzy VHS splendour. Fortunately, the Garden Festival had finally given Gateshead something apart from Gazza to be proud of, so everyone who lived there, like us, went every single day. Thus, I got to bug my dad for this copy of Rocky IV on a daily basis, giving me the one and only good reason a 10-year-old needed to go to an urban regeneration site. Except for the hall of curvy mirrors, that was cool.


Rocky IV was released in 1985, so why I didn't have a copy in 1990 is beyond me, although it does explain why I regularly frequented the video shop at the top of the street for packets of super sour gobstoppers and Rocky films. Sometimes I got Superman, because I loved those films too, but usually a Rocky. I loved all of them, you see.

Eventually I badgered my dad enough to buy me the video, and that copy of Rocky IV was my most favouritest thing in the world, ahead, even, of my Megadrive. I watched it every single day when I got back from school, and sometimes I'd just watch the end fight sequence with the Russian over and over again, before running into my brother's room and beating the living daylights out of him. This nice VH1 feature explains what all the fuss was about:



Then disaster struck. A big freak from my class called Christopher asked if he could borrow my copy of Rocky IV while my mam was there, so she forced me to give it to him against my wishes. When I got it back, the sound had gone, replaced by a muted buzz. I was raging, so we had a fight the next day in the playground, by which I mean we pushed each other around a bit before the bell rang, quite unlike Rocky. Apart from the bell bit.

So, Rocky-less and alone, I had to wait until Christmas before getting a new copy, but my mam and my auntie Linda came through with all of them on VHS. Sweet.

All I ever seemed to want to do as a kid was watch Rocky. I even wanted to be a boxer when I grew up because of it, until I found out you had to train every day and getting smacked in the head hurts. I believe the roots of my obsession lie in one night in early 1980.

While my mam was heavily pregnant with me, my dad took her to see Rocky II. To this day they both maintain that it was the best cinema experience they've ever had, as every single person in the room got up from their chairs and jumped up and down to cheer Rocky on as though his title re-match with Apollo Creed was actually unfolding live. It was absolutely unlike anything they'd ever experienced before, and there I was, listening to it all immersed in amniotic fluid. In fact, there are only two times I remember ever going to the cinema with my dad; once to see Schindler's List during which I fell asleep (which is no indictment on the film) and the time he took me to see Rocky V, which, despite the horror of the film, remains a warm memory of time spent with my father. Actually, before Nicola miscarried, our baby was due on the release date of the next Rocky film, which I thought was cool.

The first Rocky was released in 1976 to widespread critical acclaim, winning 3 oscars. According to Stallone, who was an unknown actor and about to sell his dog Butkus for food when he wrote Rocky, the producers who wanted the script initially offered to buy it for $25,000 on the proviso that a big name star play the central role. Robert Redford, James Caan and Ryan O'Neal were mooted as possible Balboas, but Stallone's unwavering desire to play the part himself saw him refute a final offer of $360,000 before the producers caved.


With $106 dollars in his bank account, Stallone was used to being poor and saw Rocky as his big chance to become a star, reasoning that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if it succeeded without his involvement. It was agreed that with an unknown actor in the leading role production costs should be kept low, so the budget was set at $1,000,000 and the rest, as the old cliche goes, is something that happened in the past.

The film went $100,000 over budget, but that didn't matter as it turned out. Some would argue that Rocky was too successful for it's own good, because the $117,000,000 US box office gross it took led to the inevitable glut of sequels, culminating in the artistic and financial (relatively speaking) disaster that was Rocky V.

Now, I know there are a load of playa-hataz who cuss every Rocky film past the first one for being formulaic, cheesy and cynical Hollywood churn-outs with thoughtless and predictable plot lines. And they're absolutely correct (with the possible exception of Rocky II), but so what? They entertain. And the fact is that there aren't any other films quite like them, or at least none that do it so flagrantly and so very well. The first film basically invented a narrative structure that has been followed by Hollywood ever since, and it did it with integrity and artistic flair. The ones that followed, granted, had little by way of originality, but they entertained in a basic 'flawed hero gets battered but comes good at the end' manner. It wasn't the conclusion that mattered, but the way it took you there.

You can imagine my disappointment when I realised how bad Rocky V actually was. The notion of 'champ losing everything and going back to his roots' was fine, but to execute it so poorly was shameful. Let's be honest, after Rocky II the films were basically a testosterone vehicle - a training montage set to an oversized adrenalin-inducing RAWK soundtrack followed by Rocky getting the crap punched out of him then tearing his opponent apart at the last minute. Rocky V tried to do that, but it was as though Stallone had become a bit embarrassed about the obviousness of the formula and had tried to hide it by getting someone else to do the training / fighting bit. Just in case, though, he had a quick rumble with his protege at the end and pummeled him for being an ungrateful little mug.

Stallone knew it was rubbish and admitted it later, but the damage was done. There was no way he was going to let an American icon go out like that.

And so comes Rocky Balboa. As you can tell, I could write about Rocky all day, so you can imagine my merriment when the rumours of a sixth Rocky were confirmed. I can totally understand what the geeks must have felt like when Episode I was confirmed now.

Predictably, the movie forums are spattered with 'LOL he must be fighting with a zimmer frame' and the like, but Stallone should be applauded for even trying to make this film. Cynics will say that he's doing it mostly for financial reasons, but at 60, with many millions of dollars to his name and a recent successful TV show in 'The Contender', he hardly needs to make a comeback. His CV is littered with some truly awful films, but I would suggest that the risks involved in making another Rocky are far greater than is first apparent. For a start, Rocky is a character ingrained in American pop culture who arguably represents the American Dream itself. Rocky V is like the drunk, embarrassing uncle at the party in congress that nobody wants to talk to. Send his drunk younger brother to congress and the party might get shut down.

See, if Stallone makes another Rocky V, which he runs the risk of doing because he's already making noises about going back to the roots of the series, much the same as he did before V was released, he could ruin the franchise for an entirely new generation, and take his own reputation down with it for good. He'll also prove the ageist crowd absolutely right.

But at the moment it looks good. For one, he's actually been controversial (SPOILER ALERT) because he's killed Adrian off. Rocky's NEVER been controversial before. And then there's the trailer, which was released only a coupe of days ago and which prompted me to write this. Clearly, Stallone is aware the type of stick he's getting and is happy to poke fun at himself, yet the fight sequence looks like it'll be as viscerally satisfying as ever. Plus, this time there's no guarantee how the fight will end. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Rocky Balboa:



Best. Christmas. Ever.